How dogs and cats think.
- Dog: These people feed me, pet me, love me, they must be God.
- Cat: These people feed me, pet me, love me, I must be a God.
She was told to scan the computer for virus.
Ghetto pronunciation
- Bathroom: Baafrumm
- Refrigerator: Fridgerataa
- Remote: Moken Troll
- MOM: Make your bed!
- KID: Why make my bed if I'm gonna sleep in it again tonight?
- MOM: Why wipe your ass if your gonna poop again?
- KID: O_O
- Teacher: Johnny, please use "discount" in a sentence.
- Johnny: Yes ma'am, "Does discount as a sentence?"
- Cop: "What's in the bottle?"
- Me: "It's water."
- Cop: "This is wine."
- Me: "What? That damn Jesus! He did it again!"
Why Am I Still Single?
- Brain: "You're weird."
- Body: "and you're fat."
- Face: "plus you're pretty ugly"
- Food: "I'm here for you babe..."
The Talking Dog
A man and his dog walk into a talent agents office.
“All right, lets make this quick i have things to do, whats your talent?” asks the agent.
The man says, “Its not me sir, its my dog — he talks!”
“Yeah, right,” says the agent. “I don’t have time for this, now get out of here before I throw you out.”
“No, wait,” says the man. “I’ll prove it.” He turns to the dog and asks, “What do you normally find on top of a house?”
“Roof!” says the dog, wagging his tail.
“Listen, pal…” says the agent.
“Wait,” says the man, “I’ll ask another question.” He turns to the dog again and asks, “How does sandpaper feel?”
