The Talking Dog
A man and his dog walk into a talent agents office.
“All right, lets make this quick i have things to do, whats your talent?” asks the agent.
The man says, “Its not me sir, its my dog — he talks!”
“Yeah, right,” says the agent. “I don’t have time for this, now get out of here before I throw you out.”
“No, wait,” says the man. “I’ll prove it.” He turns to the dog and asks, “What do you normally find on top of a house?”
“Roof!” says the dog, wagging his tail.
“Listen, pal…” says the agent.
“Wait,” says the man, “I’ll ask another question.” He turns to the dog again and asks, “How does sandpaper feel?”
A COCKROACH is afraid of RAT, RAT of CAT, CAT of DOG, DOG of MAN, MAN of GIRLFRIEND, & again GIRLFRIEND is afraid of COCKROACH.
Today, I have been watching my neighbour’s dog chasing its tail for ten minutes. On my mind, i thought “dogs were easily amused”, then I realised I have been watching the dog chasing its tail for ten freakin’ minutes.
If dogs could speak.
Self-explanatory arm slings.
The awkward moment when I’m at my friend’s house and their parents start yelling at them, is the time I pet the dog.
A Story About Man’s Best Friend
“When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was “bad,” you’d shake your finger at me and ask “How could you?” - but then you’d relent and roll me over for a bellyrub. My housetraining took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed, listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because “ice cream is bad for dogs,” you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day. Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.
