July 2011
144 posts
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“A COCKROACH is afraid of RAT, RAT of CAT, CAT of DOG, DOG of MAN, MAN of...”
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The Weight and Fortune Machine
A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your weight and fortune. So, she thought to herself, “I’ll give it a try just to see what it tells me.”
She went over to the machine and put her nickel in and out came a card that said, “You’re a nun...
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“Today, I have been watching my neighbour’s dog chasing its tail for ten...”
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Harry is too smart for the first grade.
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, ‘Harry, what’s your problem?’ Harry answered, ‘I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!’ Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office.
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On Second Thought (Kokology #46)
It’s not easy to make up a story, it’s a chore to make up the bed in the guestroom, and it takes patience and forgiveness to make up after a fight, but sometimes the hardest thing to make up is your mind. Get ready to be decisive, because in this next scenario we’re going to ask you to do just that.
You’re seated in a quiet diner. You flip open the menu and are pondering...
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“A friend of mine said, “Onions are the only food that makes you...”
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The Birthday Present
A young man wished to purchase a gift for his sweetheart’s birthday and after careful consideration, he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he went to a department store and bought a pair of gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the...
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“LUCK and FUCK are directly proportional to each other. When LUCK favors you can...”
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Steve had suffered from blinding headaches for...
Steve had suffered from blinding headaches for many years, since his late teens. He decided to try one last time to remedy his situation, and went to see a headache specialist. The doctor said, “Good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine and the...
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“A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn’t take the TV, just the...”
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Three New Zealanders and three Aussies are...
At the station, the three Aussies each buy a ticket and watch as the three New Zealanders buy just one ticket between them. “How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?” asks one of the Aussies. “Watch and learn,” answers one of the New Zealanders.
They all board the train. The Aussies take their respective seats but all three New Zealanders cram into a...
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“That awkward moment when you ask someone what they are going to wear to an event...”
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Four men got together at a reunion
Four men got together at a reunion. Three of them had sons and they started bragging about them, while the fourth guy went to the can to take a shit.
The first man said his son was doing so well, he now owned a factory, manufacturing furniture. Why, just the other day he gave his best friend a whole house full of brand new furniture.
The second man said his son was doing just as well. He was a...
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Just Can't Wait (Kokology #45)
Starting to work at a new job is always stressful; the unfamiliar people and environment, the million new things to be learned, the feeling of wanting to do a good job, and of course the inevitable goofs. We learn by making mistakes, then trying not to repeat them.
A friend of yours has just taken a job waiting tables at a restaurant. One day you decide to visit and see how the new jobs going but...
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“May the itch of a thousand crabs affect the one who ruins your day and may their...”
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The Lie Detector Robot.
A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner.
DAD: Son, where were you today during school hours?
SON: At school (Robot slaps Son)
SON: OK, I went to the movies.
DAD: Which one?
SON: Toy Story (Robot slaps son again)
SON: OK, it was Day with a Porn Star.
DAD: WHAT? When I was your age I didn’t even know what porn was! (Robot slaps...
